Curious Things, Hobbit Feet
by Warrior of Words
Summary: Bilbo Baggins is a respectable Hobbit with no need for shoes! However, the Company of Thorin Oakenshield thinks it would be a good idea. Thorin convinces the poor Hobbit to humor them. And that he does! (hint at Bagginshield in Laketown). Inspired by this BRILLIANT POST:


"Honestly, I do not see what all of the fuss is about." Bilbo looked in between his feet (tapping each toe individually against the floor), the Company, and a pair of Men's boots, "I hardly think those would even fit." He pointed to the wretched things, being held by none other than Thorin Oakenshield, himself.

"Curious things, Hobbit feet." Ori said looking at the feet and tilting his head, "Doesn't it hurt at all? Walking around on twigs and things?"

"Mahal! Think of those rotten splinters from the Goblin Caves!" Kili burst out, wincing as if he'd gotten a splinter in his own.

"Oi, as big m' arm!" Fili joined right in, laughing with his brother.

Bilbo rolled his eyes. After so long on this bloody journey and proving himself more than capable multiple times, the Company still had their doubts. He was sure he heard Nori and Dori bickering as usual about something or other of wounds and travels. He was sure he had heard Bifur saying something right nasty in khuzdul – but then again, it was a bit of a rough language. Much like the dwarves themselves. His thoughts were interrupted by Gloin, and Bomber discussing the nature of his feet. Ori and Bofur laughed as the younger said splints of that size hurt worse than 'a kick right up a jacksie!' Dwalin simply stared at the Company, shaking his head.

Boots in hand, Thorin turned away, nodding to a man of Laketown as a 'thanks' for the lodgings.

Bilbo looked to Balin desperately while the others were preoccupied, to which the older dwarf replied with a chuckle and twinkle in his eye, "Well just try them on, laddie. There'd be no harm in it. Besides, we're climbing a mountain at dawn. It'd be good to at least give it a chance before climbing up those large rocks.

"This is preposterous! I-" Bilbo had begun another pointed rant before Thorin gave a crooked smile.

"At least humor us, Master Baggins." Thorin handed him the boots as his nephews continued to cheer and egg him on, "Those are the largest they have."

Bilbo could have sent daggers with the glare as well as a muttering of something about 'stubborn dwarves' while he took the boots. With a sigh, he fell into a chair, the nephews racing over to help. The Hobbit would have flicked them on the noses for acting like such puppies and insisted he could do it himself.

_Oh what a horrid idea_, Bilbo thought. There was a reason Hobbits never wore shoes, being perfectly capable of their feet protecting them. And soon, that reason was known to the Company.

As Bilbo stood from the chair, he felt like tumbling back into immediately. The weight and pressure of the damned things just felt so odd. He looked so odd. Almost like a child wearing their father's much-too-large shoes. Hearing snickers from some of the Company, Bilbo pointed to them, "Now just what are you lot all lau-Whoa!" he hobbled.

Stumbling across the room, Thorin caught the poor fellow in his strong arms. Although, his strength was wavering, considering the low-bellows of laughter rising in his throat. And holding onto his shoulders, Bilbo noticed that Thorin was_ shaking_ trying to control it all.

"Absolutely ridiculous! All of you!" Bilbo shouted over while pulling away from Thorin and trying to walk across the room. His steps were hard and clunky, as if his feet were solid stone. Stumbling on the ground, Bilbo sat there for a moment.

Bofur was already on the floor, rolling.

"He's like a baby faun kicking and all!" Nori boasted out in laughter.

"He's like Gimli when he was just a wee lad!" Gloin clapped Oin on the back.

Shaking his head, Bilbo tried to get up once more, trying his best to balance with his arms out to the sides like an eagle.

Kili and Fili said something under all of the noise before Bilbo heard, "It's like he's taking his first baby steps!" "Awe how adorable! Uncle-look how adorable!" and then the entire Company was roaring with laughter.

"Now see here, boys!" Bilbo pointed his finger, glaring as he tried to make his way over to them, "I am a respectable Hobbit and shoes are not meant to-" Bilbo fell, and this time no one caught him until Thorin went to help him, "Oh bother!" the Hobbit huffed as he listened to Thorin's laughter from deep in his chest.

"Really, Master Baggins. They're just shoes."

Bilbo tripped over his own feet as he went to the chair to take off the damned things, "It is not natural, nor what sweet Yavana would have wanted for me."

Fili swiped a bit of mirth from his eyes, trying to contain his laughter, "Will you at least wear socks, then?"

"And compress my poor feet in little ovens, no thank you, I am just fine." Groaning as the other brother lifted a single sock as if to ask if he'd try it on.

"It's just a sock." Thorin said bluntly, but a smirk still lingered on his lips.

Bilbo stood after getting one show off, hopping over to the dwarf, "But it's _my _foot! And I simply cannot walk! – With socks or shoes – or both! Is what I meant."

Balin chuckled as well, helping Bilbo back into the chair, "All right, Master Baggins. Let's get you out of your confinement, then." Even the diplomat's cheeks were cheery red!

Flustered from all of the attention and Thorin still under his gaze, Bilbo muttered embarrassed, "I think I'd rather face a thousand trolls, orcs, and goblins, than have my feet unnaturally enslaved in such things a moment longer! How do you lot live like this?"

"Simple. We learn to walk!" Gloin laughed heartily.

Shaking his head, Thorin smiled that ridiculous, beautiful smile as he took the boots from the Hobbit, "Don't worry, Bilbo. We won't enslave your pretty Hobbit feet anymore."

"I-uh..." Bilbo nodded, "Thank you." And looked to Thorin as the Company talked amongst themselves, separating into their groups. They were off to celebrate. For tomorrow, all would change.

And all Bilbo could do was walk and follow his King – without those damned, dirty, wretched things that they all wore!


End file.
